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Letting Go of Control and Preconceived Notions

"Sometimes the things we can't change end up changing us."


Pregame Prep (today's overview) / Film Review (my personal experience)

This week I turned a year older so I decided to share my process and my internal notes in today's playbook to freedom. Birthdays are a time for celebration and appreciation of course, but I also spend some time in reflection, I review the Gap and the Gain (awesome book by Dan Sullivan) from my previous year to evaluate and appreciate where I’ve come from, where I’m going, and what is next.

My biggest takeaway after reflecting was the realization that letting go of preconceived notions combined with letting go of control resulted in huge growth, happiness, and success the last couple of years (side note is it took a while to actually fully appreciate all of this). When I stopped trying to control other people, situations, and outcomes I started seeing a amazing progress and success. When I stopped trying to force an outcome or result I wanted the outcome was often better than I imagined.

It's easy to get caught up in my own expectations and outcomes as we are taught to do this from an early age. If I define relationships, experiences, or even business deals by strict criteria that measures what I thought I wanted or what I thought would be valuable I would have missed some of life’s most valuable ‘lessons’ and experiences. When I assume I know what’s going to happen or think I am going to control an outcome I often missed out on unexpected and amazing things!

Every time I have hired a coach, or I paid for a seminar, retreat or class I expected to learn certain things. Almost every single time I learned things I never expected that were way more valuable than what I initially thought I would learn. A few examples: I learned about relationships form a stock mentor, I learned about charity and spirituality from a real estate expert. I flew to another state for a trading seminar where the teacher took a puppet out from under the podium and starting giving us stock tips as a ventriloquist (there is so much more to this story, but that's another post)!

Unexpected things and unexpected advice is going to come from all over and it's up to me to not block it out because it's not what I thought I wanted going in. If I only looked for stock advice or real estate advice  I would have missed out on some of the lessons that have helped me grow and succeed beyond my expectations.

In my personal relationships I have realized that when I let go of my need for control, I create space for more organic and authentic interactions. This realization, this space has allowed me to truly connect with my loved ones and appreciate them for who they are, rather than trying to mold them into my idea of what they should be. By releasing the need for control, I \ also learned to communicate my wants and needs in a more gentle and respectful manner. This has not only strengthened my relationships but has also opened opportunities for growth and understanding.

Ultimately, trusting in the natural flow of relationships and allowing them to evolve on their own terms has led to some of the most beautiful and meaningful experiences of my life.


Offensive Game Plan (actions to obtain freedom)

I'm a huge fan of coaching because it's an incredibly powerful tool for personal and professional growth. If you find the right coach or the right situation and you pay your hard earned dollars to someone you are going to want to learn everything they know immediately. I get it! I’ve been there, you want a brain dump from theirs to yours. Slow down! Make a list of what you want before your session, BUT be open to whatever happens!

Hire coaches, choose mentors who are actually doing what you want to do. You don't want a physical trainer who isn't in shape. You don't want a real estate mentor who doesn't currently have a portfolio of active real estate. Do not close your mind off if your real estate coach starts teaching you things that aren't about real estate. If your fitness trainer starts talking about this amazing side hustle he has, keep an open mind. Yes you are paying these people to learn x, but sometimes it's the y (that unexpected outcome) that helps you actually grow and learn your why!

Don't let fear hold you back from staying on offense. Humans seeks comfort, this is normal. It's okay to be afraid, but its not okay to stop moving forward: do it scared. I still have these fears, here is a secret EVERYONE has these fears. I've talked about the power of saying yes, the importance of keeping an open mind, how important it is to have perspective. You should not expect this to all just fall into your lap and for everything to work out to your expectations perfectly. It very well could, it is possible, but its important for you to not get discouraged or expect this to be a one time and everything is perfect thing!. I still hire coaches, mentors, and attend retreats. Don't shy away from spending money on coaches, don't get comfortable with all of your progress and keep growing.

Defensive Game Plan (actions to defend your freedom)

Sometimes you just have to let go and see what unfolds. I still make plans and goals of what I would like from coaches, relationships and experiences but what I've learned is as long as there is value added and you are seeing positive results you need to appreciate the relationship or experience as a positive. Do not dwell on your expectations, when the stock mentor you went to see pulls out a puppet just realize this is all part of the experience. Don't just remember that mentor for his stock picking puppet, also consider that some of his strategies can be applied to your current plan (side note, don't take stock tips from a puppet).

If you aren't happy with a relationship, if you really need more or a specific outcome it's up to you to communicate this to the other person. We think that being quiet and holding it in is respectful. Do not create a prison for yourself where you are not letting other's know how you feel or what your expectations are. A strong defense sometimes involves taking control of the game and if you need to, you intercept the ball and make your desired outcome and results known. Yes, keep an open mind, but don't build up resentment by not making your expectations known.

In today's world, where self-promotion and individualism are often celebrated, it's easy for our

Watch out for your ego, don't let it get the best of you. Having confidence and self-assurance is important, it's important to be aware if our ego is taking over. The ego creates illusions and distorts perceptions of reality, leading us to make choices that may not be in our best interest. Stay mindful and objective to ensure that your actions and decisions are grounded in truth and clarity, rather than clouded by our ego's desires.

Post-Game Review (key takeaway)

As I reflect on my own life, I can see how preconceived notions have held me back from truly living. These notions have prevented me from experiencing new things, meeting new people, and making meaningful connections. But when I decided to shift my mindset and let go of control, everything changed. In the past few years, my growth, relationships, and overall happiness have accelerated to levels I never thought possible.

If you're looking to growth, happiness and fulfillment get rid of preconceived notions, let go of the need to have all the control. Don't try to predict or manipulate every outcome before it happens. These expectations and this desire for control causes us to miss out on valuable lessons and learning experiences that could enrich our life in ways we never thought possible. It's essential to stay present and grateful for the now, rather than getting caught up in the future or the past.

Remember that the journey is just as important as the destination. So let go of control, embrace the unexpected, and watch as your life transforms into something truly remarkable. The Playbook to Freedom is in your hands. It's been an amazing year: I remember the ones who are no longer here with me, as well as all the new and amazing people who have joined me on this journey. Thanks for reading, take time to do your own reflection and consider the gap and the gain in your own life!

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