"Every cell in your body is eavesdropping on your thoughts" - Deepak Chopra
Pregame Prep (today's overview)
What is the story you tell yourself when no one else is around? What do you say when no one else can hear you? How do you treat yourself? Your internal dialog and your thoughts are key to designing your playbook because your thoughts and your beliefs determine where you go in life. What you think is what you become. You may not realize how much power there is in how you think.
I'm being brutally honest today: I abused myself verbally, physically, and emotionally for many years. I'm not concerned about judgement or being vulnerable because I know my experience and sharing my journey will help you. The person I was, the thoughts I had, they aren't who I am today.
I know many of you have the same challenges with internal dialogue and negative thoughts I had. These thoughts of I'm not good enough, I'm not worth it, self-doubt, shame, and fear. Not many people share these with others, but I'm here to tell you that you aren't alone. I know for sure none of these things are actually your true self or the real you, but that's a discussion for another day.
You can absolutely shift your thoughts, you can change your entire life just by thinking it. You don't have to even realize this concept and it will happen to you on it's own. But, when you realize that you happiness, success, wealth all start from your thoughts, your internal dialog, the story you repeat to yourself, you can gently guide your mind so your thoughts happen for you!
Film Review (my experience)
I grew up in the southern part of the United States, I don't know how it is everywhere else, but here we are practically taught manners from the time we learn to speak our first words. Yes ma'am, no sir, let me get that door for you, can I help you with those groceries, do you need help with that, that color brings out your beautiful eyes. In a formal setting the 'worst' thing a person might say publicly is "bless your heart" when a person disagrees with someone's decision or lifestyle. Sure, this description is a overly G rated, as we get older and circles get smaller people behave less proper of course, but my point is still mostly valid even today. I was taught to treat others with respect, but I wasn't taught or conditioned to treat myself with that same respect. We talk a lot about how to respect others, but not so much how to respect ourselves.
Everyone saw me as this nice guy who goes out of his way to help others, support family and friends, pull others up when they are down. While these were and are true I was a nice guy to everyone except to myself.
I had an internal dialog that didn't match the external dialog I had for everyone else. My internal dialog played over and over and I'm paraphrasing here but I repeated statements like this multiple times per day, sometimes as often as hourly: "I hate" combined with "my job, my life, my body, my weight", you are "stupid, fat, dumb, not good enough, not smart enough, for the last year of my job I repeated "I resign, I quit, I'm done" daily if not hourly. I didn't realize these thoughts were not normal and they were not true. I also didn't realize the impact this dialog had on every single aspect of my life. I wrongly thought my internal talk at work didn't carry over to my personal life, I thought it was possible to compartmentalize, separate. I was wrong!
Initially when I was first starting my journey to becoming my true self I thought much of what I'm writing about today was BS (bull sh!t). I later learned it is totally BS (belief systems) and the beliefs you have, the words you say, and the thoughts you think matter more than anything in this journey of life. I started "faking" it. Even though I thought negative thoughts, I decided to just try to change it up shift this negative talk into positive talk. I wrote down statements I wanted to be true in my life, I read them with the open mind I talked about. Then slowly I started forgetting I didn't believe them. My mind started thinking about these more than all the things I used to say. My positive thoughts actually became me the same way I allowed my negative thoughts to become me.
What I learned is just how powerful my thoughts and my internal dialog are to happiness and fulfilment. Words I use to myself, respect I have for myself are actually more important than my words and my respect for others. My internal dialog was negative and horrible and it was an indication I was out of alignment, I was under the false narrative this is normal and it's ok. I created the life I didn't want by giving the negative thoughts energy and accepting the statements as facts. Until I believed these were all lies, a story I created myself through unhealthy inner dialogue I was a prisoner in my jail. Once I realized I held the keys to freedom and unlocking the door was just as 'easy' as changing my internal dialogue and building a new story, my playbook to freedom was written!
Offensive Game Plan (actions to obtain freedom)
Monitor your internal dialog- what phrases what mantra do you repeat to yourself on a regular basis? Ask yourelf: Why am I saying this? Is this healthy? Does this dialog feel good? Does this thought give me energy or take away energy? Am I talking from a place of love or a place of fear?
Apply The Golden Rule to yourself- The golden rule describes treating others how you want to be treated. Remember, The Golden Rule is not an requirement that you have to be nice to other people, it's more about the law of reciprocity. Figure out how you would like to be treated, ensure you are taking care of yourself and treating yourself with the respect you deserve and require. Then treat others with the same respect and caring. We produce thoughts to justify what we tell ourselves. Produce positive thoughts about your best self.
Consciously cultivate a change regardless of your feelings, perception, or attitude- Fake it until you actually think it. If you want to experience meaningful change in your inner dialogue and thoughts, you have to start thinking like you already have what you want, think like the person you envision. Change your internal message even if it feels fake at first, even if 100% of your mind isn't committed or on board just change your narrative, be consistent, and remember the power of words that you use to yourself.
Defensive Game Plan (actions to defend your freedom)
As a human we are our own toughest critic. We are self-conscious beings and we know ourselves better than we know anyone else. You might not realize but our deepest fears, insecurities and perceived flaws are the same as most everyone else. We so often compare ourselves to others around us without realizing others only project what they want you to see. The person who appears to have everything that you want has already worked through or still has many of the same fears and insecurity as you do, most people don't just admit them out loud or advertise them openly. Think about this as you compare yourself or your situations to others. Realize that you definitely have a biased opinion because you know you better than anyone else.
At first you may not be able to stop the negative talk because it's become so ingrained and such a habit. If you acknowledge that your thought is not really helping you and you rephrase it to yourself the negative talk eventually stops on its own. Don't judge yourself, don't beat yourself up: just gradually correct your thoughts.
Your thoughts are who you become- If you think about your success, if you express gratitude you will be successful, you will be grateful, you will be happy! If you focus on your flaws you will have flaws. If you give energy to the things you don't like in yourself that is what your mind thinks about. Your thoughts are who you become.
Stop looking for more- Once you look inside and realize that you are enough, you were designed exactly as you should be, and all of your perceived flaws mean nothing. You are enough! You are, I am, we are already enough.
Special Teams: (special exercise/skill for this week)
Ask close friends, ask mentors, or coaches what they see are your strongest qualities. We can be overly critical, over judgmental when we evaluate our qualities and ourselves. Hear what others feel like your super powers are!
Audible: (unplanned changes to the plan)
When you recognize you are repeating negative thoughts and words, change the play! Change the narrative to positive! Awareness is the key to freedom. When you turn your thinking you change your feeling. As you change your feeling you change your reality.
Telling yourself and others statements like: "I'm broke" makes you feel broke. You might say to me, "Justin, this is a fact. I am broke." My reply would be, yes I know you are… You are what you believe and what you think. Once you empower yourself to believe and create positive thoughts your entire life will change!
Post-Game Review (key takeaway)
Ask yourself on a daily basis (preferably multiple times per day): What am I thinking. What are my thoughts?
You are where you are today because you thought yourself here. Thoughts turn into things. When you think of negative thoughts it turns into negative things. When you think positive thoughts, it turns into positive things. It's honestly that simple! Don't be the victim of your story, you will turn into a victim.
The key to happiness is loving yourself regardless of any internal thoughts or external factors! Love yourself and let go of imperfections you might think you have. Be nice to yourself, treat yourself well, and see the value in your. When you do this nothing else will matter in terms of your happiness and success. The best part is it doesn't matter if you believe me, it really doesn't even matter if you believe yourself, this is the way that it is. We think ourselves to what we are, we talk ourselves into what we believe, you are the story you tell yourself, and it really is just as 'easy' as changing your inner dialogue and guiding thoughts. If you say it's easy it is, if you say it's hard it is... Just think of it as the law of the universe.
Hey Coach! (Connect with me)
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